Doing laps in the LA Fishbowl

Beware! A Most Evil Post

I have definitive evidence, recently obtained, of the Existence of Evil: Cashew Brittle is insanely easy to make. It’s a one-way trip to overeating hell. I’m talking about gathering ingredients, mixing them together, putting it on a tray and munching on it, all under, oh, 20 minutes. Ingredients readily available in your kitchen. No preheating the oven (it’s all done on the stovetop), not even a lot of cleanup, and you’ve got nut brittle tasty enough to rival any seaside Taffy ‘n Wind Chimes Shoppe, but for a fraction of the price. More brittle, in minutes, than you could eat in one sitting, but you’ll try anyway. What did I do to deserve such knowledge? Why me, oh Lord, why me?

“Take this brittle AWAY from me, ’cause I don’t want to taste it’s poison…”

This recipe for evil was passed to me, with glee, by my friend Lolita, who in turn was given the recipe by her friend and big Daddy Blogger Jim Lin. It’s like the Monkey’s Paw of Deliciousness.  And now, to rid myself of its curse, I needs must pass it on. To you.

“It couldn’t keep it’s hands…off..
the brittle!”

Jim’s original recipe (recounted in a most entertaining fashion), is here, though the recipe is so easy I have it committed to memory (yes, that’s how insidious it is). I’m writing this on a US Air flight (where I have carried a box of brittle to my in-laws, spreading this  recipe across the country via air, like a supervirus). Let’s see: 1 cup of sugar. 2 tsp. of corn syrup. 2 sticks of butter. Mix that all together in a pot over medium high heat, stirring constantly, until it froths, becomes like dough, then gets caramel-colored, 300 degrees. Take it from the heat, stir in two cups of nuts. Pour it out on a parchment-paper lined cookie sheet. Smooth it out into one layer with the back of a spoon, or a spatula. If you’ve used unsalted nuts, sprinkle with some good fleur de sel or other fine salt. Let cool (which takes, like five minutes) Break apart. Gain 4 pounds. Make another batch. Cry salty-sweet tears as you jam another handful of nutty goodness into your mouth. Repeat.

Really. That’s all. The only thing I can add is is: don’t try to cram too many nuts in, or it won’t spread right. I’ve always been of the opinion that there is no such thing as too many nuts, but in this case, try to refrain. Otherwise, you’ll have a batch that, while perfectly edible, is not as aesthetically pleasing. And then you’ll have to make a more perfect batch, while consigned to eat your first batch by yourself in some dark, private corner, your secret shame. Your delicious, nutty, buttery secret shame….

I’m sorry I’ve had to do this. It was unfair of me. But perhaps, now,  I can be free…       

“Mwah hah hah. Let me make just one more batch…”


January 23rd, 2012 - Still Life Las Vegas


2 responses to “Beware! A Most Evil Post”

  1. Anonymous says:



  2. Anonymous says:

    I'm so glad that I don't do corn anymore, so I can't make this! But I can practically taste it the way you described it. I think I will go into the freezer for my stash of cashews…..ugh!

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