Doing laps in the LA Fishbowl

Oh, there’s a Diet plan too?

About a week into P90X, as I’m about to embark on the 2nd rotation of 6 DVD’s (you get one day off to rest), I start grousing to my fellow grunts that I have no idea what the nutritional component they talk about is comprised of. “What am I supposed to be eating?” I ask them. “Didn’t you get that booklet that came with the set?” they ask me back. Ohhhhhh…. Heh. You mean the one that says “Nutrition Plan: Eating for Power Performance”? Could that possibly be it?

Goodbye, my loves, I’ll see you on the other side…

It actually is not too onerous, this meal plan. Quite sensible. I’m doing 1800 calories/day, and that’s not a problem. And keeping track of calories? I’ve been doing that with my son for 3 months, but for the opposite reason. Him I’m trying to fatten up (half and half in the cereal? Sure!). Me, not so much.

A rotation of shoulder presses, bicep curls and tricep extensions, done and then done again. Tony calls these muscles “The glamour muscles” since you show them off when in a tank top. Here, I mourn my lack of dumbbells. Doing bicep curls with colored bands doesn’t quite give you that gritty “Oz” prison weight room feel. Plus, I can never get the tension right.

Participants: Another two guys and a woman: The affable, Matt Lattanzi look-alike Daniel; a Tony Horton doppleganger named Joe, and most important, the infamous Dreya, the Teutonic shield maiden who I will see many times during these 90 days. She is an aerialist, she’s on the P90X manual, and she will rip you apart. Don’t mess with Dreya. Alas, even she can be coerced into making the forearm “X” sign with Daniel, Joe & Tony at the end of the workout. It’s like when my father used to make us do a “thumbs up” shot at every family gathering. It’s just embarrassing. Don’t do that to the kids, Tony. 
“No one gets paid without
making this sign.”

Tony Horton waxes poetic: “Look at those triceps: diamonds of gold.”

Revelation of the Day: “Wow upside down is Mom.” 
Fist Bumps: 4 doubles! Plus much hand slapping. 
Tony’s Soup of the Day: Lobster Bisque.
Straight Quotient: The ubiquitous “My brutha.” 
Gay Appeal: Did I mention that one of the guys looks like Matt Lattanzi?
Notable Exercises: For some reason, I really like the Lying-Down Tricep Extension. You’re on your side, the lower arm is clutching the opposite shoulder, and the higher arm pushes off against the floor to a straight position. It’s so simple, yet so… excruciating.

Each of the weight training days is followed by the aptly named AB RIPPER X.
As you may have guessed, these are 349 core-slash-ab exercises (Tony actually says “slash” with accompanying hand gesture). These exercises I’ve got to modify like crazy, since there’s a lot of Pilate-style heaving one’s body up on down balancing on your butt. My back, she no like-a that. Despite the somewhat maniacal, “Great Santini” tone to Tony on this video (“Hit my hand! Hit my hand!!”) I do a lot of safe crunches on my big yellow exercise ball. 

Gay Appeal: Finally, someone without a shirt on! What kind of workout video IS this? But it’s worth the wait.

Enter Adam, aptly named because he is what the first man on earth would look like. Sigh… motivation enough.

July 1st, 2011 - Still Life Las Vegas


4 responses to “Oh, there’s a Diet plan too?”

  1. Denis O. says:

    Welcome to Tony's world. I support you my brutha – we gay men can take back the home gym!

  2. S says:

    1800 calories a day while DIETING? Men suck.

  3. Lolita says:

    Adam is the guy I told you about. Better than donuts. yum.

  4. Anonymous says:

    I'm having trouble dieting on 2500 calories per day haha

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