Doug: I’ll explain to you how ‘compression’ works. Let me grab a piece of paper…
James : Er, wait, is this going to be like you trying to explain what ‘going up a third’ means in music?
James: I need more pie.
I have finally set up my home studio, complete with baffler, pop-blocker and Samson mic. Got it connected to my laptop, which has the recording application Audacity installed. Despite my extensive reading, I was still feeling a little unclear as to recording levels; I felt a bit “Hey, let’s put on a show, I got an old sheet for a curtain!”amateurish. This despite Doug’s detailed drawing on a napkin of a sound wave before and after compression (my translation: “roller coaster ride up and down wheeee!” followed by “oh the roller coaster has been flattened by a giant stick it’s not so fun to ride anymore”). Luckily, I have not one but two sound technician friends who offered their advice not only on equipment but recording setup as well.
So I’m good to go. Here’s a look:
Wait a minute! That there recording studio is in… a closet! Yes, it’s true. The closet helps with the acoustics of the sound, so that it’s not so “live.” (If you have trouble understanding this, there’s a napkin from Doug with your name on it.) It also helps cut off street noise, though not noise from our loud-ass conjure in the study who insists on doing alarm impressions whenever I step into the closet (“Don’t hide!” it’s screeching, “Be proud of who you are! Remember Stonewall! I have a brain the size of a macadamia nut!”)
Bird has to go into the bedroom. Closet door must be shut:
Did a test audio and sent it off to my agents, who seemed happy. So I’m good to go. I can stay at home and go to auditions at the same time! Only thing is—I NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. I need some human interaction. Adult humans. Please, please… send help.
I’ll be in the closet.